Research suggests that divorce rates may be misleading because fewer people are getting married. About one in five Canadian couples lives common law, and an estimated one in four is in their second marriage or living common law. The American Psychological Association estimates that 40–50% of first marriages and 60–67% of second marriages end in divorce. Based on these numbers, many employees may be experiencing a looming relationship issue or going through a separation.
Having provided employee assistance counselling, I’ve found the top three reasons people ended up in my office through their EFAP program related to relationship issues that had a profound negative impact on their physical, mental and financial health—and their work. While not everyone who separates ends up in a personal crisis, separation drains resources and creates prolonged stress and distraction for many.
Any employee who struggles with separation is at higher risk of experiencing spillover effects that can impact their mood and behaviour. The more difficult and complex the separation or divorce, the greater the risk of the following consequences:
Performance decline: Employees dealing with separation or divorce often face emotional turmoil, decreasing focus and productivity. They may struggle with decision-making or completing tasks efficiently, resulting in a noticeable dip in performance.
Decreased morale: The emotional strain of divorce can lower morale. Employees may feel isolated, anxious or overwhelmed, which affects their interactions with colleagues. This emotional state can decrease team cohesion and collaboration.
Mental health challenges: Separation and divorce are stressors that can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Employees might experience fatigue or a lack of motivation, impacting their job satisfaction and well-being.
Work-life balance disruptions: Managing a separation can be time-consuming and emotionally draining. Employees may find balancing their work responsibilities with personal issues challenging, leading to increased stress and burnout.
Signs a person may be struggling with a personal issue
Stress can impact how a person thinks and feels. Their physiology — including sleep, diet, and risk of engaging in at-risk behaviours (e.g., overeating, alcohol, drugs, and gambling) to distract from emotional pain — may be affected. A struggling person is caught in a personal crisis and may not see a future through the intensity of emotions. Recognizing the signs an employee may be struggling is a trigger to check in and offer support.
Signs a person may be struggling with a personal issue include:
· Changes in behaviour, such as withdrawal from colleagues or decreased communication
· Performance issues, such as missed deadlines or increased absenteeism
· Expressing feelings of anxiety, sadness or being overwhelmed in conversations
· Difficulty concentrating during meetings or while completing tasks
· Missing work or being late, showing a lack of regard or accountability inconsistent with past performance
Early detection and intervention to demonstrate caring and interest help an employee who is struggling. Check in to see how they are doing. If they share—or you are aware—that they are struggling due to a separation, set clear boundaries and ensure your role is to support, not to attempt to play therapist.
When you become aware of their situation, it is never prudent to try to help by downplaying it or using phrases like, “There are plenty of fish in the ocean; you’ll get over it.” The best support you can offer is to help the employee access appropriate resources, benefits and support. Do not cross the line and attempt to be therapeutic.
Coaching tips to support affected employees
One of the best supports a leader, HR professional or peer can offer is empathy and acceptance that the person has gone through a loss and is grieving. Understand that grieving is a natural healing process. It can be helpful to direct a person who is struggling to grief support systems and provide them with tools like the grief aid survey to help them understand where they are in the process.
Employee assistance programs (EAPs): Ensure employees are aware of available EAP services, which often provide counselling, mental health resources, and legal support.
Encourage the use of vacation and leave time: Suggest that employees utilize their vacation or personal leave if they need time to process their situation or address related matters. This can give them the necessary space to focus on their well-being without the added pressure of work responsibilities.
Implement flexible work arrangements: Discuss options for flexible work hours or working from home. Adjusting their schedule can help employees manage personal obligations (e.g., dealing with legal, financial or mental health supports) while maintaining their workload, reducing stress during a challenging time.
Create a supportive environment: Foster a culture of understanding and empathy. Encourage team members to be supportive—with clear boundaries. The peer support role is to listen and encourage help-seeking behaviour by letting someone going through a separation know they are not alone. Employees might invite a peer to a sporting event or lunch to help take their mind off their situation. Peers can encourage a struggling colleague to ask for help or look for healthy options to keep their mind busy, and create a space where it is OK to be silent—just so the person knows they are not alone.
