Workplace conflict is a normal part of human interaction, typically stemming from differences in wants, opinions, values, needs or perceptions. While healthy conflict can be productive, challenges arise when emotions become overwhelming—particularly when anger transforms into uncontrolled behaviours that create fear and stress in others.
The nature of anger
Anger is a natural and purposeful emotion. It signals that something is wrong and requires attention, often responding to perceived threats, injustices or frustrations. The intention behind anger is usually to stop an undesired behaviour or to initiate a protective response for oneself or others.
Problems occur when an individual loses control of their nervous and emotional systems while experiencing anger. During intense anger, a person’s ability to think rationally about consequences is often impaired, leading to a cycle of escalation. This can pose risks to the person experiencing anger and those around them.
The challenges of uncontrolled anger
When anger becomes uncontrollable, it can transform into outrage—an overwhelming form that may trigger harmful behaviours. At this level, the risk of conflict intensifies, and individuals may feel compelled to exert control over others, potentially leading to harm and oppression.
People experiencing dysregulated anger are more likely to say or do things they later regret. The challenge with anger lies in its potential for reinforcement. If a person has a history of achieving their goals through displays of anger—regardless of the consequences—they may learn to rely on this emotion to address conflicts or fulfil desires. This can create a problematic pattern of behaviour, damaging relationships and fostering a hostile environment.
Conflict-to-anger escalation
Anger escalation often begins with simple misunderstandings, acts of incivility, or unresolved incidents. Unresolved workplace conflicts can fester, potentially resulting in disproportionate emotional reactions to future events.
Individuals lacking training in emotional literacy and regulation—especially those with a history of using anger to get what they want—are at higher risk of being overtaken by anger when faced with conflicts where they feel wronged or devalued. This can trigger a fight-or-flight response, resulting in overstimulation and reactivity, regardless of whether a person is neurotypical or neurodivergent.
Understanding these dynamics is crucial for effectively managing workplace conflicts and promoting a healthier, more productive work environment.
Tips for managing uncontrolled anger in the workplace
Be clear about what uncontrolled anger is. One clear sign of uncontrolled anger is a person’s lack of empathy or awareness of how their anger creates stress or perceived risk to those around them. Uncontrolled anger can feel threatening, abusive, rude, vulgar, intimidating, and manipulative to the recipient.
The following are considerations for dealing with a person demonstrating uncontrolled anger in the workplace:
Prioritize safety: Ensure safety for the angry person and yourself. Avoid escalating the situation or responding with anger.
Avoid reasoning: Accept that there is little chance of reasoning with a person in uncontrolled anger. They are likely not capable of rational thought at that moment.
Seek calm: The primary goal should be to find calm. Create space for all parties to allow their nervous systems to settle.
Reflect and address: The issue should be addressed only after calm is restored. This allows for cognitive functions to return to normal levels.
Accountability and learning: Employees who engage in uncontrolled anger must be held accountable. Provide opportunities for them to learn from their mistakes.
Additional actions: If appropriate, further steps such as disciplinary measures or training may be necessary.
Four-step process for managing uncontrolled anger
When dealing with an angry person, the primary focus is ensuring safety for all involved. The following steps aim to find calm without escalating the situation. If no further stimulus is provided, a person overwhelmed with anger may begin to calm down within 90 seconds. Three coaching tips that support the process are outlined below:
- Safety first: Assess the situation and ensure your safety and that of others.
- Remain calm: Maintain a composed demeanour to avoid agitating the angry person.
- Avoid triggers: Avoid actions or words that might further activate the angry person’s nervous system.
The goal is to support the person in regaining control without stimulating their agitation. If the situation doesn’t improve or you feel unsafe, seek help from appropriate colleagues or authorities.
- Focus on calm: Maintain your composure when confronted with someone whose anger is escalating. Remaining calm helps you think clearly and defuses the tense atmosphere. Techniques such as deep breathing or focusing on a specific object can help ground you. This behaviour can influence the other person, leading them to mirror your calmness and reduce the intensity of the conflict. Be aware of the potential for your non-verbal gestures to influence the other party—through silence or by holding up your hand, palm facing outward, in a “stop” gesture. Move to a safe distance while maintaining a calm presence.
- Validate their feelings: Acknowledge the person’s anger without dismissing or escalating the situation. Use empathetic language that recognizes the person’s feelings with phrases like, “I understand that you’re feeling frustrated,” or “It seems like this has really upset you.”
Validating their emotions can help them feel valued, listened to, and respected—helping calm their nervous system.
- Set boundaries and communicate clearly: Assert clear boundaries if the behaviour crosses into aggression or becomes personal. This will require communicating assertively and clearly regarding your expectations. You might say, “I want to understand your point of view, but I can’t continue this conversation if you’re yelling at me.” The goal is to increase safety and establish accountability for controlled behaviour to de-escalate anger and associated risks.
- Encourage pause-and-reflect: Work to reach a point where the other person is open and willing to pause so everyone can reflect and gather their thoughts. Do this without judgment and focus on calm resolutions, stating that what needs to be done to fix the situation can wait. This promotes emotional cooling, allowing individuals to re-engage, get back to dealing with the root cause, and move towards finding a healthy resolution to the conflict. Focus on resolving the conflict rather than on right or wrong. Repairs and restitution can be part of the conflict resolution process if needed to put things right.
Being crisis-ready and understanding conflict dynamics and emotional escalation can help prepare you to deal with someone displaying uncontrolled anger. While anger is natural, distinguishing between healthy expression and destructive, uncontrolled anger is critical to maintaining a safe and respectful workplace.
